Ex- English captain Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet deal with the full consequences of the muscle-degenerating condition that ended the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old athlete, who was involved in the World Cup champion 2003 side and lifted numerous English and European titles with Leicester, gave an interview to BBC Breakfast two weeks after finding out he has the disease.
"There's something about confronting what lies ahead and hesitating to really process that at the moment," he commented.
"It isn't that I don't understand where it's heading. We understand that. But there is definitely a hesitation to look the future in the face for now."
Moody, talking with his wife Annie, says instead he feels "calm" as he directs his attention to his immediate welfare, his family and making preparations for when the condition progresses.
"Possibly that's surprise or possibly I process things differently, and once I have the details, it's simpler," he added.
First Indications
Moody found out he had MND after detecting some weakness in his upper arm while working out in the gym.
After physiotherapy failed to improve the issue, a set of scans revealed nerve cells in his brain and spinal cord had been compromised by MND.
"You receive this medical finding of MND and we're appropriately extremely emotional about it, but it's quite odd because I sense that I'm perfectly healthy," he remarked.
"I don't experience unwell. I don't feel unwell
"The signs I have are very minor. I have a small amount of muscle wasting in the hand area and the upper arm.
"I remain capable of accomplishing anything and everything. And optimistically that will continue for as long as is attainable."
Illness Progression
MND can progress quickly.
Based on the organization MND Association, the illness takes the lives of a 33% of people within a 365 days and more than half within 24 months of detection, as eating and respiration become harder.
Medical care can only retard deterioration.
"It's never me that I am upset for," stated an moved Moody.
"There's sadness around having to break the news to my mum - as an only child - and the ramifications that has for her."
Household Effect
Conversing from the family home with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by feeling when he spoke about informing his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the traumatic news, commenting: "That represented the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two wonderful boys and that was quite upsetting," Moody remarked.
"We were seated on the settee in tears, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog leapt across and started cleaning the tears off our faces, which was somewhat amusing."
Moody said the priority was being in the now.
"We have no solution and that is why you have to be very strongly concentrated on just embracing and savoring each moment now," he said.
"As Annie said, we've been very blessed that the primary decision I made when I left playing was to devote as much period with the kids as feasible. We won't recover those years back."
Athlete Connection
Top-level competitors are unevenly affected by MND, with investigations indicating the rate of the disease is up to 600% greater than in the general population.
It is considered that by limiting the O2 available and creating damage to nerve cells, regular, strenuous physical activity can activate the illness in those inherently genetically susceptible.
Sports Playing Days
Moody, who earned 71 England selections and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in honour of his courageous, unwavering style to the game.
He competed through a stress fracture of his leg for a duration with Leicester and once caused a workout confrontation with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he left a practice gear and started participating in collisions.
After entering as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he secured a ball at the rear of the throw-in in the critical moment of play, creating a foundation for playmaker Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the match-winning drop-goal.
Backing System
Moody has already informed Johnson, who captained England to that title, and a handful of other former players about his diagnosis, but the others will be learning his news with the rest of public.
"There will be a period when we'll need to depend on their assistance but, at the moment, just having that type of love and recognition that people are present is all that matters," he stated.
"Rugby is such a wonderful group.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even should it concluded now, I've valued all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"Being able to label your enthusiasm your vocation, it's one of the most important privileges.
"Achieving this for so extended a time with the groups that I did it with was a pleasure. And I am aware they will wish to help in any way they can and I anticipate having those discussions."
